MEGAN FOX'S ASSISTANT TIRED OF FOX CONSTANTLY ASKING FOR A 'CHEEBURGER'
MEGAN FOX INJURES KNEE ATTEMPTING TO PROGRAM BLENDER
IN NEW INTERVIEW, MEGAN FOX REVEALS HER FAVORITE BASEBALL PLAYER "HAS ALWAYS BEEN BALLPARK FRANK"
STRUGGLING WHALING COMPANY FAILS TO FIGURE OUT HOW THE FUCK YOU CATCH A WHALE
ELECTRICAL OUTLET LONGING FOR MALE END OF EX-VACUUM
MARK MCGWIRE TOOK STEROIDS, INERTIA ALSO A PROPERTY OF MATTER
STUDY: 3% OF COAL RECEIVERS DIE WITHIN A YEAR, 100% OF MYRRH RECEIVERS CRUCIFIED WITHIN 35
LITTLE PATTY CAKEBAKERSMAN TORMENTED BY CLASSMATES: 'BAKE ME A CAKE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!" DEMANDS MIKEY THORESEN, 11
TWILIGHT SAGA SETS NEW RECORD FOR WEAKEST SAGA
QDOBA, ADOBE MERGE TO FORM QDOBE, A MYTHICAL PLACE WHERE LOLCAT FAJITAS ARE BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE
ANDERSON COOPER COVERS TRAGIC EXODUS OF BRETT FAVRE FROM SUPERDOME
WHOOPIE CUSHION POOR LOVE-MAKING CUSHION
ANDY WARHOL: NOT A BIG FAN OF SOUP
CARTOGRAPHERS: BULGARIA A CROTCH-STUFFER
SCIENCE MUSEUM CURATOR TIRED OF QUARTZ BRINGING DOWN THE PRECIOUS GEMS EXHIBIT
PIRATE SEX: X MARKS THE G SPOT
MAN'S BESTIALITY WITH PIG DOES NOT LEAD TO SWINE FLU BUT DOES LEAD TO SWINE CRABS, CRAB FLU
FINANCIAL BRIEF: MAJORITY OF DISNEY STOCK NOW TORRENTED
BOY, 15, DEMANDS SEX ED CLASS HAVE SEX ED LAB
WOODCHUCKS: NOT A BIG FAN OF WOOD
ENGLISH LANGUAGE OFFICIALLY DIES WITH CREATION OF "ROFLSTILTSKIN”
AUSTRALIAN WITH FEMALE ORGASMIC DISORDER UNABLE TO COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER
MAN DIVORCES PILLOW WHEN IT REVEALS COLD, LOVELESS UNDERSIDE
SUPREME COURT FINDS TACO BELL'S NACHO SUPREMACY UNCONSTITUTIONAL
BI CYCLIST LIKES TO RIDE BANANA SEAT EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE
BREAKING NEWS: MAN HACKS A DAILY MUSING. ALSO GREG IS GAY
OJ SIMPSON FINDS REAL KILLER, MAKES HIM SANDWICH
SUFJAN STEVENS ARRESTED, OR A CONJUNCTION OF DRONES STANDS FOR THE ACCUSED, OR LET'S HEAR THOSE CHARGES AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THEY HEARD THEM ALL THE WAY OUT IN BUSHNELL, OR ONE LAST "WHOO-HOO!" FOR THE BAILIFF
NIGERIAN MAN MARRIES PILLOW: "THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL SMOTHER HIM," SAYS FRIEND
TERMINALLY ILL MAN FINDS MEANING IN PASSWORD "REMEMBER ME" OPTION
BRET MICHAELS' NEW RECIPE BOOK 'COOKING WITH POISON' FLOPS
GE INVENTS TALKING TOASTER, ACTIVE LISTENING MICROWAVE
FERAL FOURTH JONAS BROTHER FOUND TETHERED TO POLE IN FAMILY ATTIC
MONTANA LEGALIZES CRACK IN DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO MAKE RESIDENTS MORE INTERESTING
ON HEELS OF SCANDAL, ERIN ANDREWS LEARNS FIRSTHAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE PESTERED BY GLIB FEMALE REPORTERS LIKE ERIN ANDREWS
TITO JACKSON STILL COMING TO TERMS WITH DEATH OF TACO BELL DOG
KINGS OF LEON OUSTED IN BLOODLESS COUP
FOSSIL OF 60,000-YEAR OLD GEICO CAVEMAN FOUND IN NORTHERN FRANCE
CHINA RECALLS YAO MING
MATTRESS FINANCE INDUSTRY COLLAPSES WHEN 400-POUND EDGAR WINNEGER SITS DOWN
FINANCIAL BRIEF: JESUS TOAST (INRYE) GAINS BIG ON WALL STREET ON BACK OF MATTRESS FINANCE INVESTORS, MOSES TACOS (MTAC) PLUMMET
MATTRESS FINANCE INDUSTRY DONE IN BY RECENT WATERBEDDING ALLEGATIONS
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